In Which, Something I’ve Never Experienced

I have a problem that the likes of which, I have never experienced before. It’s a relationship issue. There are four guys who like me and would like to pursue a relationship with me.

One is Taylor, my ex-boyfriend. Sadly for him, I have no interest in having a relationship with him right now. The crap that he put me through, and still continually puts me through, is still too fresh in my mind. In a year or two, maybe I would consider a relationship. But no way would I now. Especially considering I still don’t trust him like I once did.

Another is Benjamin. He’s a really fun guy, but there’s a problem for me. He’s substaintially younger than I am. With youngness also comes a certain immaturity and naivette. Like with Taylor, I might consider a relationship with him in a few years. And he has sheep, so if a relationship was to turn into marriage, I’d be all set where livestock is concerned.

Third, is Alex. We have a lot in common and he’s fun to hang out with. And, it doesn’t hurt that he’s the first guy that I’ve had an orgasm with during sex. Or what my version of an orgasm is; which is admittedly not as intense as I would hope. He treats me very well and does the gentlemanly thing of paying whenever we go somewhere (much to my annoyance because I would like to share in the costs). But he calls me his girlfriend even though he never officially asked me out; he just assumes. When I’m actually with him, spending time with him, everything is fine; I’m happy, I’m content, I don’t mind the idea of being his girlfriend. It’s when we’re apart that I get confused.

Finally, of course, there’s David, another ex-boyfriend. We are both so in love with each other, but it isn’t that easy. Of these four guys, David is the one I want. I yearn for him with my whole body; I can feel it in my heart, in my limbs, in my mind; my whole being. Unfortunately, he’s the one a relationship would be the most difficult with because he’s in the Navy. I’m conflicted with the thought of being a Navy girlfriend again and eventually being a navy wife. Right now, I want to say “fuck it” to college and the life I have now and go be with David. Right now I feel I can handle all the negatives that go along with the lifestyle I would choose, were I to be with David.

So, really, I’m most confused about Alex vs. David; Taylor and Benjamin really don’t stand a chance. Do I stay with the lifestyle I’m comfortable with? Or do I go for the unknown with the one person I want with my whole heart and mind?

 

In Which, A Haiku (Part V)

I don’t want to keep 

Living each day without you 

I miss you so much.

The worst part about dating a man in the military, for me at least, is definitely the distance. I’m sure once David’s been deployed, the worst part will be the combination of distance and worry. For now, it’s just the distance.

 

In Which, A Summary

I know, I know. It has been forever since I last wrote. I have no excuse. I won’t go into the details of everything that has happened between now and the last time I wrote. Not now anyway. I’ll just make a short list. Maybe short…

• I finished my first year of college.
• I made the Dean’s list.
• Taylor and I are officially over.
• In fact, as of the 16th of June, it will be three months since we were over.
• As of now, it may also seem like our friendship is over too. Which makes me very sad.
• For the summer, I am working at a local dairy farm. I mostly just milk cows.
• I think it may be the best job ever for me. For now anyway, until I can get into writing full time.
• I have a boyfriend, one that is not Taylor.
• I can now say that I’m a Navy girlfriend. ^.^
• The distance sucks, but I’m happy.
• At least when Taylor isn’t being a total d-bag.
• I received a two goats as a reward for making the Dean’s List. A mother and her buck kid.
• It is amazing how like dogs goats can be.

I feel like that pretty much sums everything up. Here’s to hoping I keep this updated better!

 

In Which, I am Not a Navy Girlfriend

So, I was looking around at the Bumper Stickers on Facebook this morning and I kept seeing ones that said things along the lines of “Navy Girlfriend.” They made me sad. I would have liked to put one on my profile to support David (see my post about my Twilight-esque situation), where he is in the Navy. I knew I couldn’t though.

First of all, I’m not actually his girlfriend. We may have each confessed our love for each other, but I still love my boyfriend, even if we are having some problems. I can’t make the decision between the two, right now. If I did, I would probably go insane. For realz. I’m just not in a place where I can make that decision.

Second, where I already have a boyfriend, who is NOT in the Navy, I don’t think Taylor would be too impressed with that.

But it still pains me. I really wish I could see David, but he’s not done with A-school until May. I just have to wait until then.

So, I’m really looking forward to May. I get to see my second love, and I get out of school. I am so looking forward to the summer and what it might bring.