I’m having some mental reservations about my relationship with David. It’s just everything. The distance. The lack of sheep or goats allowed on base. Not getting to see him. The little to no contact with him. The “lonely sailors out at sea” jokes that my brother likes to make.
I want to stay ignorrant of all of it. I don’t want to think of all the cons involved in this relationship. All I want to think of is how happy I was with David those few days I spent with him in California. I don’t want to think of all the problems.
But every day, I find myself thinking about them more and more. In the back of my mind, I know the military spouse lifestyle is not the type of lifestyle I want for myself or for my potential children. But I truly, deeply care about David. I just don’t know how much I want to give up for him.
If I knew in 4 1/2 years, when his contract was up, that he wouldn’t re-enlist and we could settle down to a normal life, I could handle it. If the economy is still in the shitter, most likely, he will re-enlist. And most likely, the economy will still be in the shitter.
Ugh! This is so difficult! I wish I could talk all this through with David, but with the time difference and his schedule, that is nigh on impossible.
