I’ve decided, once and for all, I’m through with my depression medications. I haven’t been taking them regularly for a few months now, but every time I start to feel the withdrawl symptoms (namely, lightheadedness) I will take one of my pills to relieve them.
Well, no more! I’m gonna beat this. No more Celexa and no more Wellbutrin! Soon enough my body will readjust to being able to function without them in my system.
I have a follow-up doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This one is the third one this summer. It’s to check on how the celexa is effecting me. Either positive or negative.
Personally, I think that it has improved things. I mean, my dad, who has no idea that I was diagnosed with depression, made a comment to my mom about me appearing to be happier. generally, I would say that I am happier. Except for like, the past two days.
Seriously, if I didn’t have any sexual problems, I would be the happiest person around.
But I am working on the sex problems. I got some pills from GNC that will, supposedly, help. I hope so. Oh, dear God, I hope so.
Warning: This post may containt some potentially mature content. Viewer disgression is advised.
Tonight was kind of a rough night with my boyfriend. And rough nights with my boyfriend usually mean that I cried after sex. It’s not that he’s done anything wrong. He’s not the one making me cry.
You see, I went on birth control pills back in November. For the first two, three months, they worked fantastically. After that, things went downhill. I lost all sexual desire and I lost all feeling during sex. For a girl who was one of those girls who were strong, sexually-empowered, but not in a slutty way, it was and still is really depressing.
So, while condoms are kind of a pain, it beats pregnancy. I went of the birth control pills in March. However, now, months later, neither my sex drive nor feeling has returned. It has really taken its toll on me, mentally and emotionally.
Sex used to be so easy for me and my boyfriend. I have never orgasmed from it, but we were each other’s firsts, so we were still learning at the point when I still got pleasure from sex. Even without orgasm, it was still amazing. I went from having it all, basically, to nothing; where sex is concerned.
You can probably see where it would make me cry.
But this is the first time I’ve cried since being put on Celexa. Which is actually fairly good. I mean, it used to be just thinking about my sexual problems made me cry. Today, I didn’t cry about them until after I had sex, re-confirming that the problems are still there. And it was less of a cry than it usually would be.
There’s some progression on the depression front. So, at least that is good.
I took my first does of Celexa this morning at approximately 7:30. I’ve been feeling sort of nauseous all of today. But I wasn’t feeling well before I took the pill, so I’m unsure if I should count that as one of the side effects to it. Other than my stomach bothering me, on and off, it was a pretty normal day, mood-wise.
Today was actually a pretty positive day for me. That may just be my mind playing tricks on me, though. Like a placeabo pill. You’re taking something to help a problem, so it makes you think that what you’re taking is helping.
Because, honestly, I’m not gonna get results from being on a medication for about fourteen hours.
Last night, I was majorly freaked out. I was on my laptop until rather late at night (around 11:30 pm). I was getting ready to turn it off and put it away when I suddenly hear a sort of scratching. At first, I thought it must just be the dog outside my door. I went to look. That was not the case. Then, I started to hear something that sounded like chewing on wood.
We’ve had rat problems before. Serious rat problems. Like, finding them in out living room. If this had been during the day, I wouldn’t of had an issue. But I did not feel like being in my room, late at night, in the dark, when the rats suddenly decide to chew through the floor boards or whatever. I left my room as fast as I could and went to sleep elsewhere.
Today, I had a much more positive experience with animals. Taylor, my boyfriend, came over to help me wash the show sheep. It was a nice hot day, so it was perfect for washing sheep.
FACT:
Sheep love to shake like dogs do when being washed.
The washing went well. Taylor didn’t grow up on a farm, so he’s still learning about things like this. He does put an effort into it, though. Which is good. My sheep mean a lot to me, so any one I date has to at least try to do something with them.
After washing the sheep, we just hung out for a bit. He had made plans to hang out with a friend in the afternoon, so he left around two.
I just have to quickly mention something my dad said when we were trying to figure out the birthdays of the different calves born this spring.
Did you write them down somewhere? Like, in your diary?
I guess I learned something I can use this blog for. Keeping track of when the calves are born because my dad might forget to write it down himself.
Earlier this month, I was diagnosed with depression. At the time, the doctor told me to think about what I wanted for a treatment, then come back. I thought about it, went back. My mom picked up my persciption for Celexa just today.
I haven’t taken any yet. I wanted to start on it today, but my doctor said that, generally people take it in the morning. It probably has something to do with a certain side effect associated with it. I’m not sure, though. Either way, I’m waiting until the morning.
I set the pill bottle next to my word-of-the-day calendar. I always remember to change that every morning. If the bottle is next to it, I should remember to take my pills every morning too.
Once everything with the depression straightens out, my other problems are supposedly going to get better too. That’s what the doctor said, anyway. But she also said, it would probably be helpful to eat soy products or take soy supplements to help with my other problems.
I’m eighteen years old. I didn’t think I’d have so many problems already. What will I be like ten years from now?
Either way, I’ll make sure that there’s updates for how this regiment goes.
In other news in my life, I cut my hand open while hand shearing one of my sheep today. I thought it hurt when I got cut with the electric shears a few years back. That was nothing compared to this. There was also a lot more blood today than then.
