… Then I sincerely do not want to be right.
I don’t care if we only send messages back and forth until one of us dies…
A couple of weeks ago, one of my ex-boyfriends sent me a message on Facebook informing me he had something important to say. I didn’t respond right away. He was my first boyfriend. There were a lot of good memories, but he also did many unforgivable things. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I was also young and naive. There is a difference between that and acting in a way that is wrong on any level and from all perspectives.
When I first read his message, I was all “Awww, Hell naw!” After the initial shock and outrage simmered away, I considered replying. Over the past, oh, what is it now? Almost three years since we broke up? He’s been fairly insistent. It got the the point that my mother and I would have to do recon work in Hannaford to make sure he wasn’t working in the produce section. Jeesh! I just wanted to purchase some fruit and vegetables. I don’t need to be accosted. Again and again: “I have something important to tell you.”
We had tried to be friends. It would be going along great and suddenly there would be these massive bouts of anger on his part. Self-righteousness. Spite. Unwarranted attacks on my character. It’s no wonder that for almost three years I ignored his requests for me to listen to him.
I also questioned just how important it was. I mean, we would bump into each other every now and then. Those would have been good opportunities to tell me. Or, right before Christmas when I was helping decorate the church. I was at the front, spatially designing a display of fake poinsettia. The door opens, I turn. He’s standing like a deer in the headlights. Then he disappears! Vanished! Okaaay….
When I got his message, I thought back to church. You know, church says to be forgiving. “As we forgive those who trespass against us” and all of that. But, but. I’ve already said he did things that were unforgivable. Where would religion stand on what he did? Worse yet, I didn’t have anyone with religious knowledge to go to so that I may have gathered insight. So it was very conflicting and I didn’t know what to do.
I posted a plea on my other blog. Respond: yes or no? I may have only gotten one response, but the person essentially said, “Yeah. Hear him out.”
I had already been leaning toward answering his message, but I had major reservations (see: unforgivable acts). Just having one person encourage me gave me a green light.
The above italicized, indented portion is a direct quote from his return message, in which he explained what it was that was so important. The rest of the message was quite sincere and touching, but that string of words is hilarious to me. I think it’s the “until one of us dies” part. I can just picture us being crotchety old people sending each other messages via Facebook. But not having seen each other for 50+ years.
He apologized for some of the unforgivables. No, it doesn’t dismiss them or make them all better, but it is a step in the right direction. It does help. This is the first time he had apologized in earnest.
And he made a list of happier times and moments. And I really want to do a series of entries here of my take on those. Because it’s absolutely hilarious. Uh, prom? Really? I think we might be remembering things differently. Of course, I just spent ten minutes laughing about a slight confusion between eating at Olive Garden pre-prom and then eating there prior to leaving for college.
To sum it up, he’s really sorry and wants me back in his life. Not in a relationship, but as a friend. Well I should hope so! Haha. He has himself a pretty lady-friend with quite the talent for singing. What would he need me for as a partner? Psh.
I’m still undecided about the whole forgiving/accepting thing. The moral high ground and what not. I could, and have, and will, run circles with logic about that. But I’m not completely enraged by what he had to say. A nice change. I’ll give it a try. I’ll try sending messages back and forth until one of us dies.
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