In Which, A Writing November 11, 2009

Sometimes, good things come from the bad. Such is the case of a daily writing done in my Act of Interpretation class. We were asked to describe how we came to write our papers that were due after Fall Break. I found mine quite humorous and clever, despite the wretchedness of my Fall Break. The following is what I wrote in response.

True Story: My paper was the easiest part of my Fall Break. Even after procrastinating on it and writing the entirety of it the day before it was due.

I knew even before break started I wasn’t going to write my paper until Wednesday, October 14, 2009.

I assumed I would be too busy over break to devote time to the paper. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday would be spent at Fryeburg Fair with my six head of Hampshire sheep, who had KICKED ASS during the show. I would also be spending time with my dairy farmer boyfriend at the fair and the remaining days of break (Monday and Tuesday).

Or so I assumed.

Oh! How wrong I was!

On Saturday, my boyfriend dumped me like last week’s milk. Through a text message, even!

I spent the remained of break in the depths of misery. I was blind-sided; I hadn’t seen it coming. Now evem I plague my mind with questions of Why? And What happened? Amongst others.

Not only was I struck dumb, without my boyfriend, Alas! we had no ice cream in my house with which I could attempt to comfort myself. Nor did we have any heat, as out thermostat had broken.

So, I came to write my paper yesterday as a miserable artist type.

In Which, Hurt November 8, 2009

Pain is…

Knowing of the two guys you love:

One just recently got a girlfriend. And the other just barely gives you the time of day.

 

Gosh, relationships suck.

In Which, A Dream November 4, 2009

I had a dream last night. It took place at Fryeburg Fair. There was some sort of air fight going on with helicopters and I was put in charge of flying one of the helicopters. Which really didn’t make any sense because these were Navy helicopters and I’m not a member of any of the armed forces. My helicopter piloting abilities were evident because my helicopter crashed and I got captured by whomever we were fighting.

I was captured by a clown… Clowns scare me anyway, but this clown was sort of like Sweeney Todd, in that it killed people and put them into meat pies. And that’s what they were planning on doing to me. Thankfully, I was able to escape.

Being at Fryeburg Fair, my grandparents were there and I ran to their camper. The camper area for the livestock exhibitors was set up like an actual campground. There was a kitten there with wings that kept running into the road, so I tried to keep it out of the road.

And that’s pretty much it.

In Which, NaNoWriMo!! November 2, 2009

Today’s the second day of National Novel Writing Month! I’m pretty much right on track with where I need to be. I smartened up from last year and I’m only writing one novel. It’s much easier. I wrote over two thousand words just yesterday.

I won’t say too much on my plot for my novel. I’ll just say one word…

Werewolves

In Which, Holiday October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!!

In Which, A Realization October 29, 2009

Today, being the 29th day of October in the year 2009, I realized that I love Alex. I was just thinking about all of these happy moments we had, while I was supposed to be paying attention in class, and then it hit me… I love him.

I’m not going to tell him. Not now anyway. We’re talking again, but it’s a bit of a jump to having broken up, then almost three weeks later telling him I love him.

Here’s so hoping I don’t let it slip! That could be awkward.

In Which, A Dream October 21, 2009

Rather unfortunately, I had a dream with Alex in it. One would assume that would be a good thing, where I want him back and all. But I know that it’s highly unlikely that I will get him back, so I need to give up. It hurts me so much, for some reason, to admit to myself that I need to move on, but I know I have to.

And that’s why it’s unfortunate for me to have a dream that he’s in. I’m trying to rid myself of thoughts of him; a task that I’ve found to be increasingly difficult.

What makes this all even more unfortunate is the fact that we’re reading Sigmund Freud’s The Interpretation of Dreams in my Act of Interpretation class. So I’m analyzing the dream out of second nature now. Of course, the only thing I can remember from my dream is that Alex was in it, so that’s all I can analyze.

Freud says that dreams are a representation of a fulfilled wish. Obviously, I’ve been wishing to see Alex again and, there you go! In my dream, that wish was fulfilled.

In Which, Cleansing October 17, 2009

I’ve decided, once and for all, I’m through with my depression medications. I haven’t been taking them regularly for a few months now, but every time I start to feel the withdrawl symptoms (namely, lightheadedness) I will take one of my pills to relieve them.

Well, no more! I’m gonna beat this. No more Celexa and no more Wellbutrin! Soon enough my body will readjust to being able to function without them in my system.

In Which, Thinking October 15, 2009

I don’t know if Alex realizes what a punch in the gut it was to me for him to go back to chewing tobacco. I mean, he quit for me during Topsham Fair. At Topsham, I expressed how utterly disgusting I thought it was, so he quit.

Shortly after he dumped me, I mean just mere hours after, he started right back up. He probably didn’t realize it, but it made me feel like crap. He made it seem like we’d get back together at somepoint in a month or so. I don’t know if he just told me that to make me be complacent or if he meant it… The fact that he went back to the dip makes me believe it was just a lie to make me complacent… It makes me feel like he doesn’t care about me any more…

In Which, Questions October 14, 2009

I am so confused about this situation with Alex. There are so many questions I’d like to ask him, but I know I can’t. He told me he needed time apart in order to figure some things out. I need to respect his wishes. I feel as though I’m being crazy and obsessive over him, but I don’t need that to be realized by him too. Also, I may not be acting crazy and obsessive and it may just be in my head. Either way, there are a few things I wish I knew.

• What is it that he’s figuring out? I wish he would open up to me about it on the off chance that I’d be able to help.
• Is he honest when he says that he wants me back once he has these things figured out?
• Or is he just stringing me along?
• Why did he have to break up with me through a text?
• Is he going to stop chewing again if we get back together?
• Will this happen again?
• How long is this figuring out going to take?
• When should I expect to hear from him again?
• Do I make the first contact for reconnection?
• Or do I wait for him?

I’m know I have other questions and thoughts other than these listed, but I have to much going on in my mind, they’ve probably been shuffled to the back.